Memoirs (of a flower)
by Ms.GrinAndCry
Summary: Sequel to Memoirs (of an artist). Third fic in the Memoirs quartet. "Felt the bile rise inside my throat. Felt the tears sting my eyes. Felt the fear strike at me like an arrow through the heart." Memoirs of a flower. Last installment for the Memoirs packet now up and running. Memoirs (of a man). Kakashi. Enjoy and review.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Looked in the mirror.

Gazed at reflection and was not satisfied. Strove for perfection and was left hopelessly sad. Tried to find beauty but never found it.

Looked at reflection in disgust and turned away like a sunflower chasing after the sun.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

Fear.

It had always been fear.

Fear prompted me to break the bonds between a friend and I.

Fear prompted me to chase after a boy whom everyone sought.

Fear prompted me to lose myself in vanity.

I was the embodiment of fear, and I was disgusting.

I judged without mercy and put down those who sought to be themselves.

Fear… it was everywhere.

Woke up – I feared.

Ate – I feared.

Trained – I feared.

It was such a pathetic existence.

Ultimately, fear was the major factor in the loss of both, my teammates and friends.

* * *

"I always considered myself...to be a true ninja. I said I loved Sasuke ... and I always lectured Naruto, like I was better than him. But it's all empty words."


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Gazed through mist and wished upon death. Saw specks of blood fly across the plain.

Saw two children (my teammates, _the ones I failed to protect)_, struggling to survive.

Felt the bile rise inside my throat.

Felt the tears sting my eyes.

Felt the fear strike at me like an arrow through the heart.

Sasuke – the one I'd pledged I would dedicate my life to – crumpled in a heap of broken bones and blood.

Naruto – the one I swore would never amount to anything – froze in shock and bewilderment.

That Haku boy, the one akin to a prince, had a gleam of hard regret within his eyes.

Too late, a slash of hate flew across the field.

(_What is that? What is that? What is that? WHAT IS THAT-)_

Woke up to the stifled crying of Naruto.

Swallowed tears as gaze flew to the two makeshift graves.

Became quiet.

And slightly ashamed.

* * *

"Often people have it wrong, mistakenly believing... that showing mercy to an enemy is kindness. They spare the foe whose life is in their hands... But don't you see? It's an empty existence... to go on living... alone and unloved... when defeat's already cost you your dream!"


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Camped out in the woods on the way back to Konoha.

"Good ninja training," Kakashi had drawled. Can't recall what else he had said.

Remember, it was cold. The forest was quiet but still, I could not sleep. Could feel the tension within the boys. Could not sleep.

"Naruto?" A familiar voice startled me, but I held my flinch.

"… what?"

Felt the pause and tension grow.

"Are you allright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

That had been strange. Usually, Sasuke would make some biting remark, and Naruto would explode in a tirade of insults.

I was unnerved.

Scared.

(And slightly jealous.)

"You know," the object of my affections said, "You know, sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to go outside and stare at the darkness. Do you like the darkness, Naruto?"

Felt my heart thump loudly against my chest.

_What?_

Sasuke continued, "When I stare at the darkness, it stares back at me. We have the same eyes, you and I. We've dwelled in the darkness too much. We've become one with the darkness, so much so that we've forgotten the shine of the stars."

I could feel myself slowly wilt.

Why was Sasuke talking to Naruto, the dead-last, about this? Why wouldn't he talk to me? I, me, the one that cares for him more than I care for myself?

"Naruto, I'm… I'm sorr-,"

"Enough."

A jolt of surprise.

"Sasuke, I do not look for remorse. Go to sleep. The darkness will be there even if the night is not. Good night."

That was the start.

Their relationship grew and I was left in the dust.

* * *

"My name is Haruno Sakura. What I like is … or more like the person I like is … and my dream for the future is … What I hate is NARUTO!"


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

At first, I didn't see anything particularly strange about Naruto's and Sasuke's friendship.

Of course, the signs were always there, but I turned a blind eye on them.

Sometimes, I'd catch Sasuke's hand brush subtly against Naruto's palm. Sometimes, I'd see Naruto give Sasuke a smile - a different, special smile, one he didn't use around anyone else. Sometimes, I'd see Sasuke look at Naruto as if he were looking at something incredibly complex and beautiful.

Sometimes. Sometimes.

But not once did they glance at me.

It was during the beginnings of Spring that I saw them.

They were sitting under a tree near the lake where we used to train. Naruto sad facing away from me, gazing at the water. His lips were moving.

Sasuke's head rested on Naruto's lap.

He listened.

I could feel the fear rise within me.

(Sasuke, Sasuke, he couldn't possibly- and Naruto, I mean, he likes me, right- but but but buTWHY?)

A small cherry blossom fell upon them. Sasuke reached for it and examined it closely, all critical artist and romantic.

They gazed softly at each other and slowly leaned against the other to steal a kiss.

By then, I was gone.

* * *

"Didn't you know? Women have to be tough to survive."


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

It didn't last long.

Sasuke's heart didn't have enough room to love and hate. Eventually, his hatred won, and he left the village (left me).

We should've known.

Naruto probably did.

I was mad. Bitter.

I didn't mean to be cruel (really, I didn't).

In a blind rage, I cried and sober and feared, and Naruto, good, hopeful Naruto, promised me to bring back Sasuke. For me.

* * *

For me.

They fought for years.

It was an endless game of cat and mouse.

It was heart-breaking.

A tragic comedy.

And then one day, their game ended.

I knew it the second Naruto returned to the village after his mission from Amegakure.

He was completely drenched in blood.

But what gave it away were his eyes.

They did not blink.

They only stared ahead, like a dead man.

There was no gleam, no sunshine, no hope.

There was nothing but a shadow of regret and the slow progress into madness.

* * *

"My choice is the daffodil... It's a persistent flower that shows its beautiful face even in the blaze of the winter... patiently waiting for a reprieve without bowing to the monstrous savagery."


	7. Chapter Six: End

Chapter Six: End

Naruto started taking missions.

Dangerous missions.

Too many missions.

Everyone that cared for him worried.

I was burdened with guilt.

(_And fear,_ I could feel myself cringe).

It was happening again. The signs.

There was a craziness in Naruto's eyes that terrified her. How Tsunade could not see that was beyond her.

* * *

Felt trickle of blood

Wide eyes. Crazy eyes.

Eyes of a demon-god.

I looked at my teammate and stuttered.

Coughed up blood.

"You should be happy, Sakura-chan. You're the first one I've decided to kill."

Was thrown to the side like unimportant garbage.

Landed in a puddle of soot and blood.

Gazed at reflection through half-lidded eyes and was not satisfied. Strove for perfection and was left hopelessly sad. Tried to find beauty but never found it.

Looked at reflection in disgust and turned away, gazing at Naruto's retreating back, like a sunflower chasing after the sun.

* * *

"Darkness... When everything that you know and love... is taken from you so harshly... all you can think about is anger, hatred, and even revenge... and no one can save you."


End file.
